Comfort Zone

The long awaited weekend of Comfort Zone has finally arrived. The great news is that Lucas has been excited and anxious to go. He heard testimonials from previous campers through our children’s grief support group that the food was really good. The truth is, he is yearning for some connection with other kids who are in the same place as he is. Logan of course follows his brother’s lead and am grateful for that especially in this case.

The drop-off on Friday went better than expected. I went to the Parent Orientation to learn about what the campers will be doing all weekend. The counselors promised us that the kids will be changed after this weekend. That something magical will happen over the course of 48 hours that will affect them in a positive way…to learn how to cope, heal and be comfortable with their emotions. They will learn to connect emotionally if not right away in a short period of time. They also said that on Sunday, they will either be very quiet and possibly quite emotional or will talk endlessly about what occurred.

Prompt as always, I was one of the first parents to arrive on Sunday. I had an opportunity to speak with each of the boys’ Healing Circle Counselors and was amazed that they got to the essence of the boys in a relatively short period of time. They described each of them exactly as they are : funny (Logan), mature (Lucas), smart, amazing, brave, fun to be around, cool and having the cutest puppy dog eyes (credit goes to Bruce on this one). Imagine how I’m starting to feel….proud and elated.

The ending ceremonies began with all the children coming to stage with their groups and their Big Buddies performing and memorializing their loved one who died. From the moment the first child went to stage, my walls came crushing down. It was so beautiful (yet painful) to witness each child express their love and how much they miss their parent or sibling that died. There were a range of emotions expressed from bitterness, anger, loneliness and desperation. Children wrote poems, songs and others dedicated a dance in honor of their loved ones. I could barely get myself together. (Logan kept coming over to my seat and begged me to stop crying).
People often ask, “how are the boys doing?” I honestly don’t know the response to that for I can’t compare them to anyone as we feel very isolated in our circumstance. What I say inside of me is that… all I have is my unconditional love for them and I hope that that is enough. That in my demonstration of my love, I offer them all I can in marshalling resources to help them cope with their grief. I gather friends to surround them with love and understanding . I instill a grateful heart no matter what….for life is a parallel of good and bad even if we have to magnify our lenses to find the good. To have faith even if it doesn’t make sense.

At this Comfort Zone memorial, I finally found assurance that the strength I model for my boys has a positive impact in the course of their journey. I witnessed just the opposite that day, and saw a very troubled child. Although I was very sad meeting this child, it also gave me the motivation to keep pressing on for the sake of my precious boys.  The boys really enjoyed the camp.  They felt the highs and the lows that weekend and yet they can't wait to go back again.  I bet Logan will be up on stage next year with a dance routine.

The attendance at Comfort Zone would not have been possible without the introduction and encouragement of my cousin Elizabeth and a friend Andrew. Andrew who went above and beyond and even became a volunteer for the organization so he could be present at the camp and watch out for my boys ! I am so touched and amazed by his self-less service in honor of Bruce. It is a gift that keeps on giving.