I have heard it all even from many years past when my babies were little. I heard stories of what life was like teetering on that next stage in life.... empty nest. I hear of depression, loneliness, questioning one's self-worth, regret, doubts, fear, you name it. (Rarely do I hear excitement or joy).
My son Logan is a senior in high school and I am now experiencing all of the above emotions and maybe even more. There are no cliques about it, if anything I often feel they are under statements of the gravity of these emotions. He's almost 18 years old. Lucas is away for college and it's just Logan and I at home. I'm blessed enough to have been working remotely for the last 10 years, so I can be as present to them as they need me. At 17 however, my importance to him has been discounted as he would rather be with his friends, talking and sharing his life with. As much as it saddens me, I realize and understand that this is a normal part of his development. I then practice lots and lots of grace, mercy and patience. It's not easy and made more complicated because I am traversing this path alone.
I've been more introspective and find myself trying to roll the tears back from my eyes. I'm trying to occupy myself with many activities but with the global pandemic, the choices are limited and social activities are almost nil.
The questions that keep tormenting me are:
Have I done enough to establish a solid foundation of a strong character and faith in them ?
Did I affirm them enough? Was I too lenient or too strict?
Did we go on enough adventures?
Did I help them deal with their grief and healing?
Did I apologize enough?
I suppose these are all the same questions many soon-to- be empty nesters ask, but boy, it sure feels personal to me. I want to go back in time when they were on the heels of my every step and my presence was summoned at every minute. It is now but a fond memory to cherish.
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